Saturday, March 03, 2007

Open Wide

I had my bi-annual dental appointment last week. A couple of years ago my previous dentist semi-retired so I decided to switch to a closer dentist, Dr. "BCT".

At my first cleaning appointment in this office, the hygienist cleaned my teeth and gave me the "you must floss more often" speech while my eyes were tearing up from the picking and poking at my gums. That was my fault. I hadn't been to the dentist in over a year so the cleaning was particularly painful. She told me Dr. "BCT" was busy and asked if I wouldn't mind if Dr. "SH" would perform the exam this time. She also informed me Dr. "SH" was new to this office and since there was nothing hurting or questionable from the x-rays, I agreed.

Dr. "SH" came in, a young guy and obviously new to the profession as well as the office. He asked how I was doing in a timid voice and proceeded to put his hands in my mouth to examine the choppers. As soon as his hands touched my chin, my eyes darted to him then to the hygienist and my forehead formed it's "What the Hell?" creases. You see, Dr. "SH" stands for Dr. Shaky Hands. His hands were trembling in my mouth and dear God he had pointy metal poky things in there! I was startled, frozen in fear and silently decided at the first painful poke I was going to unclasp my death gripped fingers from the arm of the chair and pull his hands out of my mouth myself. Lucky for him he just looked around for a few seconds and was gone. After he left I told the hygienist that I did not want to see him again and to make sure I only see Dr. "BCT" in the future and explained why.

In case you're wondering, Dr. "BCT" stands for...

About 10 years ago, right before Christmas, I broke the crown on my front tooth tearing open a bag of dog food with my mouth. Hey, I was in a hurry, on my way to a Christmas party and frustrated with the mighty sealing powers of the dog food baggers. My regular dentist was closed and after making a few calls, I found one dentists office that would help me out.

I arrived and the hygienist brought me into the exam room. She proceeded to explain they were having their office Christmas party and apologetically told me the Dr. may smell of beer but assured me he has had only one. I think she had more than one at this point but I was desperate, in a good mood and just wanted some glue for my tooth.

In walks the dentist, Santa cap on his head, a big smile and a hilariously obnoxious blinking Christmas tie hence the name
Dr. "Blinking Christmas Tie." After a few jokes about opening dog food bags with my teeth and how funny my smile looked with that goofy stub under my crown sticking out, he put a couple dabs of glue on the crown and got me back into a socially acceptable holiday smile. Why I didn't switch dentists right then and there is still a mystery to me but I have now found my way back there again as a regular patient.


voyageur said...

Lyrics from "Unfinished Sweet" by Alice Cooper:

Candy everywhere , got chocolate in my hair
Aching to get me
Stickly sweet suckers in the halloween air
Aching to get me
Saint vitus dance on my molars tonight
Aching to get me
Aching to get me, get me oh ...
Take it to the doc, I guess he ought to know
La, la, la, da
Which ones can stay , which one gotta go
He looks in my mouth and then he starts to gloat
He says me teeth are o.k.
But my gums got to go
Oh oh ...
I come off the gas but Im still seeing spies
Aching to get me
I can see them all through a glassy pair of eyes
Aching to get me
De sades gonna live in my mouth tonight
La, da, da, da, da
And the rotten tooth fairy is satisfied
La, da, da, da, da
Aching to get me, get me oh ...

Balou said...

Voyageur: Too fun! I just don't picture Alice Cooper as the kind of guy that might floss once a day.

"My teeth are fine but my gums gotta go." LOL!!